1In the beginning there was Nayyar. 2In the few seconds Nayyar saw forth the darkness and said, "this sucks!" 3And light was created. 4And this was good. 5Then Nayyar got bored and said, "This Sucks" and there was beer. 6And this was good. 7And there was much fermentation. 8Nayyar was a bored, drunk, benevolent god. 9Nayyar said "Shis Tucks" and the heavens and earth was formed. 10Nayyar then decided to keep the darkness because there are some things even Nayyar won't look at. 11Nayyar then created a Day by making light shine for a while then darkness shine. 12Nayyar was happy with this invention and made light and darkness last for 3 months in Alaska just to screw with them.
2On the first day Nayyar stumbled drunkenly from one part of the earth to the other. 2He said "This Stucks" and the plants were created. 3Nayyar drank beer and this was good. 4On the second day Nayyar created many animals. 5Nayyar drank heavily and this was good. 6On the third day Nayyar created water. 7Nayyar drank merrily and this was good. 8On the fourth day Nayyar created water animals.9Nayyar drank heavily and this was good. 10On the fifth day Nayyar created women. 11There was much rejoicing. 12Nayyar drank merrily and this was good. 13On the sixth day he slept in. 14On the seventh day Nayyar woke up with a hangover and accidentally created man, the IRS, country music, and women's rights.
3Nayyar then created a large nudist colony in southern Florida. 2Nayyar placed all the people and animals in there while he was away in AA meetings. 3Before he left he told a red-headed kid named Carson to feed the holy goldfish everyday. 4Nayyar then left for one of his meetings. 5Carson was an idiot. 6He left for paint-stick throwing with Mike and Josh. 7Then Michelle came in to see the holy goldfish. 8She noticed the fish was not fed and so gave the holy goldfish food. 9She left and Carson came back to feed the goldfish. 10Then Carson went to sleep. 11The holy goldfish ate all the food and grew to whale-like size. 12When Carson woke up he wacked off then checked on the goldfish. 13Surprised by the size Carson accidentally dropped his vibrator in the goldfish tank electrocuting the holy goldfish. 14Carson then ran away to the ocean. 15Carson thought that he would be safe in a boat. 16When Nayyar returned from his AA meeting Nayyar saw the dead fish. 17Nayyar then resurrected the fish to seek revenge on Carson. 18The holy goldfish then ate Carson happily. 19The holy goldfish then had gas for a week.
4Back on the nudist colony in Florida two people who were in school discussed something. 2Mike and Michelle knew it was forbidden to eat the apple in a cup that was served in the cafeteria. 3Michelle then dared Mike to eat it. 4Mike gave in and took a bite of the apple in a cup. 5Mike said it was good and everyone else ate an apple in a cup. 6Nayyar was disgusted. 7Nayyar sent everyone out of the nudist colony where they were forced to put on clothes and work in McDonald's and Subway to make money. 8Mike was then raped by a monkey and Michelle left for some desperate squirrels who live in a boarding school. 9Mike' s female monkey friend had two children: Pain and Mable.
5Pain was evil.2He didn't like Mable. 3Mable did everything good. She even joined the girl scouts. 4Pain was so jealous of Mable's goodness. 5Pain plotted to kill Mable. 6Pain took Mable to Subway. 7Pain dumped Mable into the dumpster with all the radioactive waste. 8Mable contracted a terrible disease and lost all her hair. 9Mable then died and Pain had a good laugh. 10Pain eventually got over his evil ways. 11Nayyar threatened him that Nayyar will find a female monkey friend with bad hygiene for Pain. 12Pain did not like this so he joined the cubscouts.
6Nayyar found that funny, but he needed more entertainment. 2Nayyar found a very religious man by the name of Abrahamp. 3Nayyar told Abrahamp to kill his first son. 4Abrahamp didn't have a son so he tried to kill his daughter, Bonnie. 5Nayyar was about to stop Abrahamp right before he killed Bonnie, but thought it would be funnier to let him kill her. 6Nayyar was right.
7One family who worked for McDonald's was very poor. 2There were many brothers and sisters. 3They needed to make money so they sent one brother to the pimping business. 4His name was Josh. 5He took his pimping van. 6Josh got a whole bunch of hoes and had a multicolor fur coat. 7His family then got enough money to buy a Polaris.
8After a while Nayyar noticed all the assholes in the world. 2It was turning into a big New York City. 3Nayyar decided to drown everyone in a big flood. 4Nayyar liked the human race so he decided to save a few. 5Nayyar told a Mexican Tree Planter named Mark to build a boat. 6Nayyar also told Mark to bring two of each animal in Mark's boat. 7Mark rounded up all the animals he could find. 8Mark also made certain that one was male and the other was female. 9Nayyar commended Mark and told him to get in his boat. 10Mark boarded the boat with the animals. 11Mark then played with his lizard while it flooded. 12After it flooded Nayyar let Mark out and the animals flourished while Mark played with his lizard. 13Fortunately Nayyar told other people to build boats and they repopulated the earth. 14After Mark was done playing with his lizard he went back to his boat to sleep. 15Mark was surprised to see his driver-side window smashed and all his things were taken. 16Even his Silverchair CD was taken. 17Mark prayed to Nayyar to get back at the theif. 18Nayyar returned the Silverchair CD and put a John Tesh CD in the theif's possession disguised as the Silverchair CD.
9Nayyar then let the human race grow. 2During one day Nayyar saw a small ancestor of Mike and his female monkey friend named Tricia. 3Tricia was with a social group called weirdos with fros. 4Tricia insulted a basketball player named Chad that kept calling her David. 5Tricia and Chad scheduled a fight. 6Nayyar felt like protecting little Tricia because Mike and his female monkey friend were a good laugh. 7When the fight started Tricia threw a rock. 8This hit Chad, but did nothing.9Nayyar then sent an idea to Tricia to help her win. 10Tricia punched Chad in the groin. 11Tricia had won and Nayyar was happy.
10Nayyar then decided to finally spread his teachings. 2Nayyar felt like sending down someone to teach the Book of Nayyar to all the masses. 3Nayyar created a messenger from sugar and spice and everything nice. 4Nayyar named her Samantha. 5Nayyar sent her down to teach and create miracles. 6Samantha was quickly killed in a drive-by because red was a rival gang color so Nayyar forgot the whole thing. 7Nayyar decided later he would send another Samantha.
11Nayyar noticed that something terrible was happening. 2All Nayyar's people were becoming squirrels. 3The evil and gay squirrels with their large moneybags were taking over everyone and enslaving them. 4One man who was leading the slavery was really annoying and really gay was Phaoroh Carnahan. 5Nayyar sent an angel to persuade a Kiski swimmer to lead Nayyar\rquote s people. 6The angel was named Andrea. 7Andrea t old little Gwen to lead the people. 8Gwen was inspired and challenged Phaoroh Carnahan. 9Gwen gathered everyone and ran to the Kiski River. 10Carnahan followed Gwen to the river. 11Gwen, using powers that Nayyar gave her parted the River and ran across. 12Carnahan followed, but got soaked when the river was closed. 13Gwen led all of her party to the Saltsburg High School. 14Gwen then saw a burning pile of weed. 15Gwen went up to talk while everyone else partied. 16Nayyar gave Gwen ten commandments to follow:
1.)Thou shalt worship only Nayyar
2.)Thou shalt not eat apple in a cup
3.)Thou shalt have as much sex as humanly possible
4.)Thou shalt drink alcoholic beverages
5.)Thou shalt not take physics
6.)Thou shalt not be gay
7.)Thou shalt kill anyone named Longwell
8.)Thou shalt make a movie after Nayyar
9.)Thou shalt play horse racing on thine calculator
10.)Thou shalt chill until Nayyar comes back in Armageddon
17Gwen saw as lightning went into a stone wall and carved the ten commandments. 18Gwen was very high when she got back and celevrated commandment #3 with the rest of the group. 19Nayyar was displeased when they took physics class. 20Nayyar made them wander in high school for four years. 21Gwen died from drug overdose, but gave her magic vibrator to Brandy in her will.
12After the death of Phaoroh Carnahan all Kiski squirrels fortified the campus and did nothing but break commandment #6. 2Nayyar was supremely disgusted and puked numerous times. 3Nayyar sent a message to his followers that the evil had to be stopped. 4Nayyar's followers gathered together and formed a large army. 5Kiski had a large fence surrounding their campus so they could not attack. 6Nayyar told them to do all the commandments in reverse except for the tenth one. 7They all played horse racing and Donnie Stitt got the most money won, made a short movie called "Nayyar: The Movie" killed someone named Longwell, burned physics books, drank heavily, had sex, threw apples away, and prayed to Nayyar. 8When they prayed a glowing boltcutter appreared and cut through the fence. 9They invaded and a Kiski person named Jordan died quickly. 10Corey Gray was second. 11Aaron was next. 12The rest were slaughtered right after. 13There was much rejoicing. 14Emron, who was a squirrel from Kiski, was spared because he was cool enough to become a Follower. 15There was even more rejoicing than before.
13Nayyar will now like to tell you the future. 2There are four things that will lead to armageddon. 3The first thing is the finding of this paper. 4The next thing is the resurgence of this religion. 5The next thing is that the devil's presence will increase in the form of physics teachers. 6Their names will be Longwell. 7Then finally there will be a flash of light. 8Armageddon will then start. 9Evil in the form of physics teachers will try to create a hell on earth. 10The 5 horsemen of the apocalypse will appear. 11One will be Nadine of Bigheads. 12She will enlarge any head she touches. 13The second shall be Richard of annoyance. 14He shall cause discomfort and piss everyone off by his acts. 15Lisa of tanness will be the third one. 16She will burn eveyone she sees to a crisp. 17Katie the tall will be the 4th one. 18She will step on you and crush you like a bug. 19Jeanine the destroyer will be the final one. 20She will wipe out the rest with a disease. 21Nayyar will then come in and restore peace. 22Nayyar then will welcome everyone to Nayyarland. 23A place of Bliss.